Tri Delta Body Image Testimonies: October 2015

Frances Maples

What do you think is the most important thing for young girls to know about their bodies as they grow older?

NO TWO PEOPLE ARE ALIKE. Similar, sure! But you cannot be someone else no matter how hard you try. There was a specific reason you were born into the beautiful body you have. You were given your amazing attributes for a reason, and you just have to figure that out. Your body was created just for you, how cool is that?! We need to be proud of the bodies we are given and celebrate them, take care of them, keep them healthy. It is so amazing to be lucky enough to be able to share our message of body image and celebrate ourselves. We can't be someone else. We just can't. And odds are, that person that you want to be probably wants to be like someone else. We never know everyone's struggles, so what we can do is embrace ourselves and try to help others to do the same. We are so blessed!

What is a quote or saying that makes you feel great about yourself?

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." - The Little Prince

What does self-love mean to you?

Self-love means that it is about ME. This isn't about how someone else sees me, and this isn't about someone else praising me for loving myself. It is me: my body, my happiness, my attributes, my uniqueness that I am blessed to have. Self-love isn't something that comes about in a day or a week, it is a process and an extremely difficult one. It is a journey and when we reach the destination, we will see that the journey was worth it. The end result IS what it should be - that we are made perfect for ourselves and for no one else.

What's one star/ model etc. that you feel is really embracing their body and who they are as a person?

How do you feel negative body image affects women in their daily life?

It is absolutely crippling. Not only to your self esteem, but to your whole life. It snowballs into this giant "thing" that you cannot get rid of. When you wake up, there it is, when you pass by a mirror, there it is. It dehumanizes women and spreads a message that our most important part of us is our bodies. Pardon me, but I think my brain is pretty important. I think my faith is pretty important. I think my ethics and morals are pretty important. I think my passions are pretty important. My body is where all of these aspects of me are housed!

What is a personal experience with your own body image that you would like to share?

Growing up, I knew that I wasn't the skinniest. I knew I was not tiny. I was bigger, taller, and just more person. I didn't even know what being self conscious meant, but there I was, as self conscious as I would ever be. How are we supposed to allow children in our society have these negative body images if they can't even define most of the words that are associated with it? Children shouldn't be worried about their figure and their clothing size. When I moved oversees, I really felt that size was a number and being perfectly me was perfectly fine. Of course body image is an issue world wide, but I realized how much worse it is in the United States. My body is mine and though I may not be perfectly ok with it every single day, I am working on it, and I know I have more support than I could have ever hoped from these wonderful women I am lucky enough to call my Tri Delta sisters. The fact that this sorority has a whole position dedicated to body image says something without needing an explanation.

Side note: It isn't easy to accept your body and there are days when you may not want to look in the mirror. That's ok! We can't be flawlessly optimistic every single day, but we can sure as hell try. Trying is the first step. Instead of creating this negative self-image, look at yourself in a positive light and I promise you will like what you find. Don't give up. Ask for help! Whether you are male or female- we all have the potential to love ourselves.

1:49 PM
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Kat Mitchell

When do you feel the most beautiful?

I feel the most beautiful when someone I know really loves me and expresses that love with a kind gesture, whether it be a surprise, a gift, or as simple as a hug. When someone loves you despite of your flaws, the demons you have, and the struggle you're going through, and they show that love-it's the best feeling in the whole world. Genuine love makes me feel beautiful.

What do you think is the most important thing for young girl's to know about their bodies as they grow older?

You are enough. You are extravagantly beautiful. There is no one else in this world like you. You have the power to do great things. You deserve to be loved.

I feel like this reassurance is so necessary for young girls. I had a very difficult time accepting this as a young girl simply because no one ever said such things to me. I wasn't considered the pretty one. I was friends with tall, skinny, long haired friends growing up. I was the short, average sized, mom-made-me-get-a-bob-haircut girl. It didn't feel good, even when I grew out my hair and accepted the fact that I'll always be short and average sized. Even if the girl's love language isn't words of affirmation, it is still a good idea to instill such thoughts in her mind at a very young age. Also, I'd tell them the girls they envy are wishing they could change something about themselves, too.

What is a quote or saying that makes you feel great about yourself?

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

Oscar Wilde

"...When things get dark, when you feel really crappy about yourself, or your body, or how you look, sometimes a good way to help yourself get out of that is to have some gratitude. What I mean by that is go around your body and kind of thank it for what it gives you and thank yourself for your great eyesight, or your thick hair, or nice legs, or strong teeth or whatever it is that you have, that you were given, and make friends with those parts of your body, and not try to focus on the parts that will never change. Because, look, we’re all different, everybody’s different, every body is different. There’s only, like, five perfectly symmetrical people in the world, and they’re all movie stars, and they should be, because their faces are very pleasing to look at, but the rest of us are just a jangle of stuff, and the earlier you learn that you should focus on what you have and not obsess about what you don’t have, the happier you will be. You really will be happier in life if you let go of the things that you will never have. And the other thing that I would say is that when you do talk about yourself, or talk to yourself, or you have that tape running in your head, about yourself, try to picture you talking to your own daughter. Or your younger sister. Because you would tell your younger sister or your daughter that she is beautiful, and you wouldn’t be lying. Because she is. And so are you. So, don’t worry about finding love. You will always find love. Every pot has a lid. There’s a lid for every pot, that’s what my grandma used to say. And you deserve love, and you’ll get it."

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Amy Poehler, "Ask Amy: Bodies"

How do you feel the media’s portrayal of women’s bodies influences their body image?

The media has tried to bring a positive body image for women for a few years now, but I believe they are missing the point. There are some very strong women in the media that are showing their real dedication to promoting positive body image. Women like Meryl Streep and Tina Fey are saying, "Hey! We made it to the other side of the tunnel! So will you." Even the younger media sensations like Demi Lovato and Jennifer Lawrence are supporting the positive body image. However, at the same time, we have ignorance in our midst. Rap songs describing the woman's body often have the characteristics of larger behind, flat stomach, long legs, larger breasts, and full lips, soliciting the idea of beauty in a man's eyes. This is not always the case, though, as many women don't have such attributes. The models gracing the runways are still predominantly a small size, and the entertainment world praises them for such. Fad diets, obsessions over collarbones and thigh gaps, and the photoshopped movie star are all still reigning as the highest goal for the American woman.

The commercials in between television shows that have seemingly normal people are broadcasting women in undergarments strutting the streets to sell underwear. This would be fine, except that all of the women are all the same shape: a thin (but not too skinny) woman with an even skin tone and awesome legs. Then the next commercial is a diet commercial saying women that are overweight need to do this diet so they can look beautiful again.

The media is only doing a mediocre job with promoting body image. We, as believers of positive body image, still have a lot of work to do. Hopefully in our lifetime, we can change the standards of beauty for the media. I hope that one day, a lady that would be seen today as a larger woman will grace the covers of Vogue magazine and not be seen as "turning the tables" but rather an ordinary occurrence of a model doing her job.

What is a personal experience with your own body image that you would like to share?

Fourth grade wasn't the prime of my existence. I was going through puberty before all of my friends, my curly hair was still in a bob cut, and I still had to wear a tankini to the pool because my mom thought the bikinis "didn't cover my chest well." One day, my mom told me that I needed to start wearing bras to school. I was so embarrassed. I didn't want to wear a bra, I would be the only one who would wear one! Bras were for old people! A few weeks into the school year, we had a field day, and I decided to wear my new white polo and bright blue shorts from Academy. Turns out there were some water activities and low and behold, there I was, the junior winner of the wet t-shirt contest. I was hoping no one could see it (I was ten, I was filled with optimism and the belief that Santa was still very real.) When my classmates and I lined up in front of the classroom, though, my optimism vanquished. The popular girl in our class came up behind me, popped my bra strap, and said, "Is that even a real bra?" The girls and guys in my class roared in laughter as my face began to get very hot and red. My eyes were welling up as the boy I had a crush on said, "Are those the apples to your tree trunk legs?" That was it. My sensitive pre-teen heart couldn't take it anymore. I told my teacher I had to go to the bathroom and would come back in five minutes. First, I was embarrassed by the coolest girl in class all because of these things growing on my chest. Then, the boy I thought was so cute became so mean. I had, and still to this day, "cankles," where the calf seems to go in a straight line to the ankle rather than show any indention to distinguish between the calf and the ankle. My thighs and hips were no better, not being proportionate to the rest of my tiny frame. I hadn't been self conscious of it before, but now the fear of people not liking me for my boobs and now my cankles really got to me. I stayed in the bathroom for more than ten minutes, and my teacher came to find me. She asked me what was wrong, that I never acted like this before and she was concerned. I told her everything, and she just hugged me for what seemed like a very long time. I remember her saying, "I'm sorry you had to deal with this mean stuff already." Now, nine years later, I can see how she was sorry for me dealing with such negativity at a young age. However, this is the reality: girls can start to face negative body image experiences as early as the age of six. SIX. I was playing in mud at six and getting married to little boys on the playground. I can't even imagine what would have happened if I experienced negative body image before then. The experience has always stayed with me, and it became my little negativity demon that would float around. Every time I would look at the mirror, I would hear it saying words like "you are disgusting" and "you shouldn't eat." I still deal with this issue, but the difference is that I'm better at telling the voice to shut up. We are all going to have moments in life where we aren't happy with our bodies, even when we reach that nirvana of body love. And that's okay. We just have to be our brave selves and stand up against the negativity. We have to say to those nasty demons that, "Yes I may have cankles but right now I look hot and sexy in these jeans so I'm going to need you to shut up while I'm having a good time." But some mornings you may wake up and the demon can't be quiet. It'll say a lot of mean things to you, but please don't let it consume you. Just ride it out. Ride out the negativity, the shame, the guilt-whatever you are experiencing. It won't last, because there's always tomorrow. And by then, you have all the time in the world to figure out how to love yourself again.

1:13 PM
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Molly Magrath

When do you feel most beautiful?

I feel most beautiful when I am surrounded by my friends and family. Especially my boyfriend. He has gone a long way to tell me every day how beautiful I am to him, even when I am just in sweatpants and a t-shirt. When I am with these people I feel safe and loved and confident to be myself because I know they will love me no matter what. I also really happen to love when my cheekbones are a tad bit sunburnt and my face is covered in new freckles :)

How do you feel the media’s portrayal of women’s bodies influences women’s body image?

I think it is hard for women and young girls to see past all of the photoshopping and retouching that happens to every single image out there. It is easy to look at a magazine and feel inadequate because there is absolutely no possible way to look like the celebrities we see there because they have all been photoshopped into creatures with physical features that would not physically and healthily support a human body. But instead of realizing this, girls just feel too fat, or too skinny, or too tall, or too freckly or whatever it may be, and that is very harmful.

What does self love mean to you?

Self love is something that I struggle with daily. There are days when I look in the mirror and think “damn girl you look amazing today”, but there are certainly many days where I look in the mirror and I can’t help but nitpick and think “well, your stomach could be flatter; if only your thighs were smaller and more toned; why does my butt have to look like this; why can’t i just look like _____” As much as I hate to admit it, the bad days seemingly outweigh the good ones. But as I grow older, I have been better able to accept the fact that I will never be a size 0 or a size 2, probably not even a size 6 pant size because my hips are simply not made for that… quite frankly I would probably look ridiculous in that size pant because i’d have a massive and unhealthy thigh gap. I think learning to accept your body for what it is (in my case wide hips and muscular thighs) is the first step to self love.

How do you feel negative body image affects a woman in her daily life?

Because I have not always been blessed with a positive self image, I have learned first hand that self esteem issues and social issues can arise. I have never really felt like I fit in with what the other girls I have been surrounded with looked like. I have always felt larger and more awkward, like I took up too much space in a room. Luckily, I made a really good friend before I developed confidence issues with this matter, and that friend has stuck with me for most of my life. I felt inadequate, like I didn’t have the right to talk to or make friends with the girls who I perceived to be prettier than I do, or I felt like they looked down on me immediately because I didn’t look like them. I am sad to say that I still struggle with this, even in college I am sometimes afraid to talk to girls who I think are prettier, or thinner, or more fit than I am because I am afraid they will judge me for how I look. And while, thankfully, most of the girls I have met are bigger than that and have been beyond kind and supportive… unfortunately this is not always the case and I have been met with sneers and snide glances and comments which hurts me a lot. For me, fitting in and finding confidence to be myself have been my greatest struggles as side effects of my self image.

What's a personal experience with body image that you would like to share?

I have seen a lot in the media lately about different campaigns started by women of all different backgrounds, ethnicities, body types, and weights promoting acceptance and love of one’s own body. And while I am watching those campaigns I am saying to myself, “Hell yes! You go girl, preach!”. And I am able to carry that sense of confidence around with me for a while. That is… until I decide to go shopping. I am all for loving myself, and learning to accept my body for what it is, I have been trying very hard lately to do this. But accomplishing that goal is made nearly impossible for me when I go into a store and I am defined by a number that is usually at the bottom of the piles of clothing or sometimes kept in the back. I don’t know what stores are afraid of with putting that number out for sale, but none of the stores I typically like seem to be comfortable doing this. How on earth am I supposed to be comfortable with my body when something so basic and simple as clothing is not made for my body type? I understand that it is impossible to make a universal jean that fits everyone… but i highly doubt that the straight leg, tight, and tiny jean is closest to what everyone can accommodate. I would feel a billion times better about my body if I were able to feel comfortable and confident shopping for my clothing, and if I were ever able to find clothes that truly fit me well. Again, I am all for these “love your body” campaigns, but I seriously think that these campaigns will fail unless someone gets the fashion industry’s attention and makes a change. I am coming to love my body, and I think many girls are on that same journey… i just wish society would follow suit and make it easier for us to achieve that goal.

9:30 AM
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